i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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