Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
