Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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