It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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