I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
