my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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