Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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