i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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