bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
