I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
