I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize