Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
