In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
