I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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