using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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