My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
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