he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
