My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
