I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
