You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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