Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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