Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
