dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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