tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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