There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize