Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
