Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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