I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize