My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
