my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
