guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
