She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
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Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
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Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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