you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
