I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
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don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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