theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
