it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize