NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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