my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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