This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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