The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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