seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
