Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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