Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize