Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
