he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I AM VODKA MAN
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
