Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
