Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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