Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"