i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far