Apparently you make a good broom.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
