First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
