gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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