my mouth tastes like poor choices
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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