I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My vagina just clenched in fear
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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