get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
