1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
