Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
