Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
