my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
