i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
