Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize