How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
