I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
