There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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