I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
