Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
