there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I could fuck to npr.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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