put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
