You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
