when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
